my very first uploaded story

Sooooo, after my first post this is my very first uploaded story^^: (obviously, it's not finished)

Substitute

“Oh my God, you're such a nerd!”

All the girls surrounding him were laughing.

Stupid, I thought. These girls think they are so cool with their fake eyelashes and fake personalities.

I felt sorry for the new boy in my course.

“Oi”, I said, “you liked that book? Who was your favourite character?”

The boy turned around in surprise.

“Have you read it?”

“Yup”, I replied, smiling a little bit.

The other girls, watching us in anticipation, (probably expecting that I would join them in thinking of the most stupid insults I could conjure up) suddenly turned away.

They never bothered me much and I was grateful. I didn't know where I ranked in the class. I never really cared. I didn't need to. Not until lately, at least. I didn't need anybody, except, well. Don't think about it, I told myself.

We started talking about the book which I hadn't actually read but my cousin had told me all about it and by the time the bell rung, the ginger-haired boy was smiling again.

The moment I got home I heard splashing and laughter.

“Come on in, it's lovely and refreshing!”, my mum called.

“No, thank you.”

“Olivia, come ON. It'll do you good. You need to have some fun. When was the last time that your toes even touched the water?”

“I-”

I - . No. I won't do this. Not now. Not after … 

I tried so hard, so, so hard to ignore it but it was impossible.

Yes, it was summer and yes, the sun was shining and everybody was smiling and laughing and doing whatever happy people do to express their joy but I was going to go back to my room and drift away. 

There was nobody who could or even would understand me.

The next day, I was sitting beside the boy. I didn't smile at him but I was friendly and sometimes he was rewarded with of half a smile.

Two weeks later in a history lesson, would be the first time that I needed to use his name.

“Who do you want to work with?”, my teacher asked.

“Um … “, I stammered.

I didn't know his name. How embarrassing.

I pointed at him awkwardly and said: “Him.”

“Sam”, he whispered.

“Oh … yeah, sure. Sam, I mean.”

The teacher just nodded but I felt myself blushing. Gosh.

“Sorry”, I whispered back apologetically. 

“No problem.”

He smiled at me and for the first time I actually smiled back.

During the next break he asked me if I wanted to join him getting a snack in the cafeteria. I said yes.

We sat on a bench in the right corner next to a couple who were eating a bacon sandwich. I felt my eyes starting to burn.

Bacon sandwiches always reminded me of Oliver's home. I remembered lying on the bed next to him and the smell of breakfast – freshly made bread, sometimes burnt toast and orange juice – came wafting through the door crevice. We would grin at each other and wait impatiently for his mum to call us down.

“I'm sorry”, I muttered as I quickly left the room, leaving Sam behind, a look of utter bewilderment on his face.

I didn't attend my classes for the rest of the day and no one came to find me.

When I came home I threw my bag into a corner and went straight to my room. 

I intended to stay here for the whole weekend but my plans were foiled by mum three hours later, who barged into my room.

My first reaction was the same as always: “Knock, for good's sake!”

“Turn down the volume, for heaven's sake!”, she yelled back.

Normally, I would have grinned at her and we would have burst out laughing but not now. This wasn't normal. Me alone in my room wasn't supposed to be normal.

“Livy, I want you to tidy up your room for tomorrow.”

“Why?”, I asked, as always the sullen teenager.

“Your cousin, Holly, is coming for tea. And Chloe too.”

“Right.”

“Okay?”

“What?”

“I mean, are you going to tidy up your tomb, I mean room?”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

She left the room, leaving the door wide open. Irritated, I got up and slammed the door shut behind her.

“LIVY!”

“Hi.”

Holly wasn't taken aback at the hesitant greeting and threw herself into my arms. Although she was three years older than me, I was about a foot taller, plus, she never wore high heels.

“Girls who can't wear high heels, like me, look like storks”, she always reminded me.

When Holly finally broke out of the hug, I got a kiss on the cheek by her mother and another hug. I always loved the smell of both my cousin and my aunt because they used the same expensive perfume.

We sat down for tea, soda bread and scones near the crackling fire and soon a lively conversation was going on in which I didn't partake.

“Olivia?!”

“Hu?”

“Chloe asked you something, dear”, mum said and she looked a little peeved.

“Sorry.”

“Oh, it's fine”, Chloe reassured her smiling.

“See, mum? It's fine. Why do you always have to make a big thing out of anything I say?”

“I didn't!”

“Of course you did!”

“Olivia!”

God, I hated when she said my name like that. I was NOT a little child anymore that needed to be told off.

But then I stormed out of the room like the little stubborn child I actually was. So much for that.

“OLIVIA!”, I heard mum calling after me.

A few minutes later, Holly came into my room.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

She seated herself beside me and we kept the silence for a while.

“Do you want to go out?”

“Sure.”

We caught the bus to the city centre and did some window shopping. After some time I calmed down and we sat down for some ice cream.

“You miss him, don't you?”, she asked eventually.

I nodded.

“Of course you do. I'm sorry, that's a silly question.”

I didn't say anything.

“How are you doing at school?”

I knew she didn't mean my grades.

I shrugged.

“Do you have anybody, you know, to talk to?”

“Yeah”, I said, “there is a guy called Sam who is quite nice.”

“Good. Do you spend much time with him?”

“Nah. Although, well a little. Just at school.”

“Do you want to meet him after school?”

“Nah, I don't really- I dunno. I just needed someone for the last year. I mean, I'm going to Uni after school or somewhere else, so it doesn't really matter much. And I kinda felt sorry for him.”

“You befriended someone because you needed someone for your last year and felt sorry for him? And you're just going to drop him after school?”

I nodded again.

“Fair enough.”

It was monday. I absolutely hated mondays.

I slumped down on my chair beside Sam and smiled at him. Oddly enough, he didn't return it. I frowned.

“Tired?”, I asked.

He did a weird shake-nod with his head.

“Demotivated?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Bored?”

Again, he rolled his eyes.

“Um... I dunno … tired, demotivated AND bored?”

He said nothing for a while.

“Come on.”

“Fine”, he sighed, “I'll put it to you straight then. Am I a substitute for someone?”

“What!?”

“Am I”, he said slowly, “the substitute for someone?”

I sat there for a while, stunned.

“Why on earth would you ask that?”

He shrugged. “I couldn't help but overhear you say something like to that to your friend.”

“Friend?”, I asked, confused. Sam was my only “friend”.

“I dunno, a girl, a bit older.”

“Cousin.”

“Fine. Anyway, I asked you a question.”

“Well ...” I didn't really know what to say. To be honest, he was a sort of substitute and I knew it wasn't nice but I hated to lie.

“Okay, I guess that's a yes.” He looked disappointed.

“Sam”, I said, trying to think of something I could say in this somewhat awkward situation. “I-”

“No, Olivia. I'm sorry. I thought you were different.” 

God, this is such cliché sentence. You can find it in any tacky romantic novel. 

I tried to talk to him through the whole lesson but Sam ignored me until our teacher told me to be quiet.

This would never have happened with Oliver. I missed him awfully. Can you be homesick for someone? Because that's what it felt with him. I loved him. And I should have told him.

And that was the first part of the story. I'm working on it to get it finished but until then:
Au revoir, little biscuits *wave*